Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Kamzor Kadi Kaun?

Cricket team : Saurav Ganguly (Is it end of road for Dada?)
Politics : Arjun Singh (He has competition for this post)
Hockey : Team India (What a pity!)
Singing : Himesh Reshamiya (Is there anyone who can challenge this man?)
Coding : Yours truly (I bet you can't beat me!)

Well, this is my personal rating. So all you Saurav Ganguly or Himesh Reshamiya afficianados, please don't make this blog a space to vent your anger. It won't help your cause. The thing is I have been doing a lot of coding these days. You see, I am essentially a Java programmer. I think I knew everything about it. I believed that there are two types of java - mar java and mit java. I know Java is a beverage consisting of an infusion of ground coffee beans. So when you say that you work on Java, you actually work your way in and out of pantry room holding your coffee mug. When they taught me that Java is platform independent, I was more than happy. I thought I would find coffee not only in IBM pantry room, but also at all the platforms in Pune station or Bhopal station(if I ever had to work from home)!!

Last month and a half have been very hectic here. The more I code, the more errors I find in it. I bet I must have introduced a whole family of bug into the small code I have written. So much so that now my team lead wonders whether I am an application programmer or a bug in disguise! My accuracy in missing atleast one test case a day is so high that they are planning to send me as IBM's official entry to Guinness Book of World record in the same category. They find the easiest module and after doing all the supplications and invocations they assign it to me, only to find out later that they made their biggest mistake ever. I was scrolling through the design document the other day. And to my surprise I found that in the Project Risks section, they had listed Anusha Murthy as the first (and only) risk item. There was a single line in the Assumptions section - The project will be completed in the stipulated time frame assuming Anusha will stay away from it.

In short they don't know what to do with me. And I am equally clueless whenever I attend any status meetings. They ask me questions like how much percentage code has been completed. Well I have been very bad at Mathematics specially in equations with two unknowns. How the hell I calculate the percentage completed when I am never sure of the total work that needs to be done!

They have decided to play safe now and are now asking me to prepare quality documents. Sigh! They thought that nobody reads these documents anyways so it seemed a calulated risk to them. Well they have allowed me to mess with one last thing before I move on to documentation. They have asked me to prepare a script which would trigger my java program. I asked them whether it should be an action movie script or emotional drama script. They answered that they need a Unix script.

And I better get back to work and prepare that script before they officially decide to confer the Kamzor Kadi title to me. :-)