As a lot of you might already be aware, due to sudden and unforeseeable turn of events, I am back to India. The American life looks over, for now, at least. To say that the last few days have been tough would be an understatement. I had the worst kind of emotional upheavals, way too much physical labor, lack of good food, terrible weather and every other kind of problem you can think of. A lot of people who know me asked how I was feeling about the whole deal of moving back to India. Well, coming back to India was never an issue for me. I never expected to stay for 2.5 years in USA to begin with. It was the timing of it, just like my coming to US, which left me shattered and confused and happy and strangely satisfied.
The thing about having so many varied feelings at the same time is that, you don’t know which feeling is real and which one is just a natural response to a sudden drastic change. I am happy to be home but I miss my best friend terribly. I have been so used to waking up to Varsha’s phonecall and sleeping after wishing her good night that I always used to tell her that – tere bina meri subah nahi chalti, tere bina meri shaam nahi dhalti etc. If there is one thing that I am going to miss about my life in USA would be you Varsha. Thank you for being there by my side, helping me out, with the toughest of situations and you know very well what it meant to be with you in the last couple of days there. Even being home with everyone I love does not overcome the sadness of not having you around. Your presence kept me going and it is because of you that I did all the fun things I did. Thanks for being such a wonderful, beautiful friend. You are one of the biggest blessings I have in life. Other than that, there were some friends in Kansas without who my stay in Kansas, my packing and moving would have been impossible. Sumit, Sandeep, Shraddha bhabhi, Sujay – Thank you guys. It would have been a mess without you being there. And yes Vishal – thank you for doing nothing. That really helped. :P
I always took my work very professionally. Work and life rarely got mixed as far as I am concerned. But I did not realize that I made some very good friends in some of my colleagues/peers/competitors/bosses/customers. I never expected that I would be getting books and entertainment cds to keep me company for the long journey I had (and it helped a lot!!). I never expected that someone who is not required to even respond to my emails followed every facebook update I made and just wanted to know that I reached home alright. I never expected to hear some great things from my managers about what I did in the last couple of years. I honestly never expected that. So thank you Allen, Bonnie, Karen, Don, Staci! It was a pleasure working with you and for you. I would love to do it again! Thank you for everything.
I made so many friends in US. I made more friends in the last couple of years than I did my entire life. And these are not passing acquaintances. I am talking about friends for life – V3, Alok-Reena, Shagun, Amar-Garima and everyone else. And of course the whole Art of Living group in Dallas, Houston and elsewhere. You guys are rockstars. My best days and moments were with you. I am going to miss you all, but I am so sure that we all will meet again that my goodbyes to you really mean nothing. But till we meet again take care and keep rocking as you do!
And oh, by the way, it was 14th Feb yesterday - the day of celebrating love. Well I slept from noon till 9 PM and that helped keeping the red shaped balloons out of my way. But my jet lagged mind did some pondering and realized that maybe this love-shove is not for me. I know I am going to get some angry looks from V and some consoling comments here (please avoid if you can!) but it really is very weird. I don’t think I need to be wooed. I just need the presence of the person, an anchor who I can rely on and easily reach out to. I like to hear and be heard, I like to have fun, be funny and enjoy the big and small things in life (I have too many of them). Why in the name of love is that a very difficult thing to find? Isn’t that what the whole world is after? Maybe I am missing something here, maybe I am expecting too much, maybe I will find the person in due time. But matters of heart are so simple that they are way too complicated. I don’t think I have reached the point of frustration, yet but love (the Valentine’s Day, red ballon, pink teddy and chocolate variety) definitely eludes me. So maybe it is alright to experience all that I am experiencing in life in the grand scheme of things but it would be nice to have someone. Yeah…
I did get pink roses though from two lovely young kids from the family above our apartment. It was a very sweet homecoming.
The next innings start in Bangalore in just a few days. I have a lot to look forward to and I will do everything it takes to make these days bright and fun.
Keep checking this space for I have a long life and the tidbits keep happening to me more often than not!