Worthless Worth.

All right people! It is proved that this is a worthless blog. As per Technorati this is a blog worth $0.00. That the dollar itself is losing worth these days is a different issue altogether and I do not intend to discuss world economy here at any rate. And so you see, I don’t think it really matters if I post here or not. I am too lazy to type and I don’t want to plagiarize on my blog by doing what I do best – CTRL + C & CTRL + V. It is my blog and I don’t wish to post here. Ah! I like making such arrogant statements :-).

Sometimes I really think what is worthwhile after all. Different people have different opinions and I respect that. Well I saw some strange things happen since the last time I posted here. Strange behaviors, strange reactions, strange situations and I admit I have been left a little disturbed with the proceedings. I saw a nice status message somewhere in my gmail contacts “Friendship is priceless”. Nice thought. But how often do we value the priceless? Over last few days, I have seen priceless becoming worthless for so many. Such are times when you get a chance to separate chaff from the grain from your own life. But weeding them out is painful. For, the land nourishes both the grain and the weed the same way. It must pain the land when the weeds need to be removed ruthlessly. People come in your life for reason, season and a lifetime. Yeah I am taapoing shamelessly from a forwarded email. They come and go, people I mean. Some stay. But the problem comes when we want them to stay. We start by holding the hand. Then gripping it hard and then the only thing that is left is the strong pull exerted until it breaks the hand and the relation itself. And what could have been a beautiful memory becomes a sad and ugly face of questions, accusations, allegations and what not.

I let people go. I never stopped anyone from going. Sometimes I move on and then I never look back. Not because I don’t care. But because I don’t think it is worth stopping them or staying in their lives anymore. I must have been a reason or season for them. But what happens when you suddenly encounter your past? It makes me think. And sometimes I wonder – did I do enough for their worth? Should I have done something to stop them - like holding the hand? Was I too reckless and careless? Was there a chance of a lifetime and I blew it up? I don’t know. But I think about it. There always is a maybe. Sometimes this maybe factor is so strong that you almost want it to be true. But maybe is an illusion. And a worthless one. Let bygones be bygones. Move on. But it is not easy. You know, as you start aging, the number of people you will meet will increase and the chances of serious encounters will decrease. Will there be a second chance? And my hopelessly hopeful self says yeah, maybe there will be.

What makes people special? What separates some I, V, S or A from any X, Y, Z? Is it their nature or their behavior towards me? Why do they behave the way they do? Is it because of my nature? Yeah because they are normal, routine people for most of the other people in the world. So you see we make people special in our lives. Inherently they are normal people like everyone in the world with a specific emotional, mental, spiritual level. We give them that special status and then expect them to behave in that special way. They should say those special things to you always. You try extra hard to make them realize how special they are. And then you expect them to acknowledge it everytime. If they don’t because they are in a different state of mind then you start throwing tantrums and then you expect that special person to understand you. What a worthless exercise! We waste our entire lifetimes trying to please people and satisfying our own bloated egos. So, now I promise you I, V, S and A that I will never burden you with my expectations because you guys are special because I made you special in my life. And I have full intentions of keeping this promise unlike my promise of writing regularly. :-)

It has been a good learning time. But the learning was not a pleasant one. Most of them were shocking experiences in my life. Not in my life exactly but you do learn from what happens to lives crisscrossing yours. I have decided to change a few things. Not because it will make me more worthwhile. Because then, maybe it will be easy to deal with the loads of worthlessness within and outside.

One last question to self. Is blogging worth the effort? I don’t know. The day I am sure of the answer, I will quit this world of worthless words.