United States of Anusha

Hello World!

As a lot of you might already be aware, due to sudden and unforeseeable turn of events, I am back to India.  The American life looks over, for now, at least. To say that the last few days have been tough would be an understatement. I had the worst kind of emotional upheavals, way too much physical labor, lack of good food, terrible weather and every other kind of problem you can think of. A lot of people who know me asked how I was feeling about the whole deal of moving back to India. Well, coming back to India was never an issue for me. I never expected to stay for 2.5 years in USA to begin with. It was the timing of it, just like my coming to US, which left me shattered and confused and happy and strangely satisfied.

The thing about having so many varied feelings at the same time is that, you don’t know which feeling is real and which one is just a natural response to a sudden drastic change.  I am happy to be home but I miss my best friend terribly. I have been so used to waking up to Varsha’s phonecall and sleeping after wishing her good night that I always used to tell her that – tere bina meri subah nahi chalti, tere bina meri shaam nahi dhalti etc. If there is one thing that I am going to miss about my life in USA would be you Varsha. Thank you for being there by my side, helping me out, with the toughest of situations and you know very well what it meant to be with you in the last couple of days there. Even being home with everyone I love does not overcome the sadness of not having you around. Your presence kept me going and it is because of you that I did all the fun things I did. Thanks for being such a wonderful, beautiful friend. You are one of the biggest blessings I have in life. Other than that, there were some friends in Kansas without who my stay in Kansas, my packing and moving would have been impossible. Sumit, Sandeep, Shraddha bhabhi, Sujay – Thank you guys. It would have been a mess without you being there. And yes Vishal – thank you for doing nothing. That really helped. :P  

I always took my work very professionally. Work and life rarely got mixed as far as I am concerned. But I did not realize that I made some very good friends in some of my colleagues/peers/competitors/bosses/customers. I never expected that I would be getting books and entertainment cds to keep me company for the long journey I had (and it helped a lot!!). I never expected that someone who is not required to even respond to my emails followed every facebook update I made and just wanted to know that I reached home alright. I never expected to hear some great things from my managers about what I did in the last couple of years. I honestly never expected that.  So thank you Allen, Bonnie, Karen, Don, Staci! It was a pleasure working with you and for you. I would love to do it again! Thank you for everything.

I made so many friends in US. I made more friends in the last couple of years than I did my entire life. And these are not passing acquaintances. I am talking about friends for life – V3, Alok-Reena, Shagun, Amar-Garima and everyone else. And of course the whole Art of Living group in Dallas, Houston and elsewhere. You guys are rockstars. My best days and moments were with you. I am going to miss you all, but I am so sure that we all will meet again that my goodbyes to you really mean nothing. But till we meet again take care and keep rocking as you do!

And oh, by the way, it was 14^th Feb yesterday - the day of celebrating love. Well I slept from noon till 9 PM and that helped keeping the red shaped balloons out of my way. But my jet lagged mind did some pondering and realized that maybe this love-shove is not for me. I know I am going to get some angry looks from V and some consoling comments here (please avoid if you can!) but it really is very weird. I don’t think I need to be wooed. I just need the presence of the person, an anchor who I can rely on and easily reach out to. I like to hear and be heard, I like to have fun, be funny and enjoy the big and small things in life (I have too many of them). Why in the name of love is that a very difficult thing to find? Isn’t that what the whole world is after? Maybe I am missing something here, maybe I am expecting too much, maybe I will find the person in due time. But matters of heart are so simple that they are way too complicated. I don’t think I have reached the point of frustration, yet but love (the Valentine’s Day, red ballon, pink teddy and chocolate variety) definitely eludes me. So maybe it is alright to experience all that I am experiencing in life in the grand scheme of things but it would be nice to have someone. Yeah…

I did get pink roses though from two lovely young kids from the family above our apartment. It was a very sweet homecoming.

The next innings start in Bangalore in just a few days. I have a lot to look forward to and I will do everything it takes to make these days bright and fun.

Keep checking this space for I have a long life and the tidbits keep happening to me more often than not! 

Happy Two Zero One One - Everyone!

Hiya people!

I did not have the customary end of year post this year..I did not have anything to write about..It was a strange year and it has gone by! Tata (tootles! LOLMAX!!)...

And as I stand on the threshold of 2011, unable to comprehend if it is 2010 or 2011 (much like the state border in Kansas City, unable to decide which state it really belongs to - err OK bad joke), I just see a lot of hope. Don't know for what, but dear ones, I pray for a lot of hope for everyone of you this year..However things turn out to be (some of them will be massive disappointments, some pleasant surprises), 2011 won't be too different from 2010 or any other year for that matter..But you have a chance to be different (don't be unrecognizable like the anonymous posters here.. :P) but be different like Maggi hot and sweet tomato chilly sauce..There is hope..And that will keep you going, inspite of everything!

Make the time of this year count..Learn something new, meet new people, select one dream you had a few years back and work hard to achieve it, earn a lot, spend a lot, smile a lot, laugh a lot! And then this time will be unlike any other year..

I know this post is more like a note to self...And I know I need it.. :-)

I "hope" you have a rocking 2011!!

Back With A "Vengeance"

Hee hee hee..How are you people?

Things have changed a lot since my last post. I conjured a full body patronus and the dementors are no where in sight now. (If you don’t understand what I just said, shame on you!). I am my cute, happy, cheerful, caustic, sarcastic self again!

That last post was a result of a mini heartbreak. Yeah, don’t give me that look, I do have a heart. Reason? Well, it’s complicated. That said, it was great fun to see some of the reactions to my last post. First up I realized that many read it. I did not know I had that many readers. In general people became extra sensitive in showing their disapprovals to my jokes. The usual “shut ups!” became “please, shut ups”. The look of disgust I normally get became looks of sympathy. And I was fed a lot in India in spite of mom’s instructions to all my relatives!

One anonymous dude (check out the comments in the last post) even went on to suggest that I should have trust in the Lord. Arey baba! Trust in the lord is what keeps me going every day. Given that I spend the entire year annoying people, I would not be alive but for the Grace of Almighty. And who did you call little girl, huh? Have you seen me? No? I never was a little girl, ask my mother! And you think I was a depressed birthday girl? Did you see how many cakes I cut that day? No? Did you see the big candle I blew? No? Did you know that Jiva restaurant, Hyderabad have stopped having buffets after I had my lunch there? Word is that their losses are way too heavy to recover. Do you know that I made tomato-green chilly maggi for a bunch of cousins at 2 AM, "on my birthday" and woke up all the people in that building after falling down on a basket full of washed utensils? (Please don't ask how I managed that!). You call me depressed? Dude, you don't know a thing! I am the reason for depression for many in this world. And yeah, thank you for reminding me, “on my birthday”, that I have very limited time left. Are you suggesting that I am getting old? Because if you are, thank God that you are anonymous. Pray to God that you remain anonymous, because hell hath no fury like a pissed off me, trust me. OK, tata, “tootles” (do you even know what that means?), shoo away!

Wow! It feels so good to be back!! :P

All is well!

Happy Birthday!!

October again..Another year goes by..

I am at home after a very long time...And For the first time in years, I had a plan for this day..I had a real grand plan..Of celebration, of joy, of love..I was looking forward to it..I had hope in my eyes, a certain warmth in my heart which was new..I thought there would be smiles..I thought there would be laughter...I thought there would be fun..I thought there would even be some happy tears.. 

But as it often happens, things in my life hardly go as planned...I am right in the middle of happiness and sadness, joy and tears, frustration and helplessness...It is funny that it had to be this day..I don't know what hurts more - the pain itself or the joy of my people on this day inspite of the pain.. 

It is not the best of my birthdays..But it sure reminds me of the fact that I exist. And as it goes with existence, you will get a mixed bag..And the funny thing is you are blind folded and so you don't know what you pick is good or bad...

Thanks a lot everyone for your wishes..Thanks for remembering me..Thanks a lot for reminding me that this day I should have a blast for it is my day..Your wishes mean a lot, even if they were just a scrap on facebook or a one line email, specially today..It not just filled my heart with joy, but also with the sweet warm feeling of knowing that I have some relations which stood the test of time..I am sure some of you are disappointed with me or wondering how much I have changed in these years. But we will work on it..Birthday hai yaar, come on,  maaf kar do.. :-)

I am accepting wishes for this birthday this entire week..Please keep sending them in cash/kind etc!!

Din hua begin!

Waking up in India is one of the most beautiful experiences. I have always tried to be an early riser with varying success results. Now that I am in India and heavily jet lagged, I can’t help but be up in these "unearthly" hours and notice what I never bothered to see before. I look out of my balcony (it is not called patio in this part of the world), I see so many things waking up and getting alive at about the same time, ready to see another day.

It is 5-15 am and the first sounds I notice are those of Salah from a nearby mosque. And as if Gods are trying to prove their unity in diversity, I hear the temple close by starting the morning bhajans as well. Which makes me wonder how many families around me must already be up and ready for their first prayers of the day? I see at least 5-6 houses having at least one light on. Yeah, you get those sorts of views from the balcony. I am pretty sure there must be a few where a young man/woman is trying to study for an Engineering or Medical entrance exam. I remember how my mom used to make me a fresh cup of ginger tea every morning without fail just so that she could see me become an Engineer one day. The result of her efforts – I became an Engineer and a long time caffeine addict. She has of course now stopped debating the utility and futility of it all.

The other active lots are paper wale bhaiyya, newspaper delivery men. Our newspaper is delivered sharp at 5-30 AM. In about an hour, my dad will be skimming through it with utmost concentration with mom made ginger tea in one hand. It is still pretty dark outside, but the street lights have been shut off. And I wonder how hard these delivery men work just so that people like me and my kind stay educated. I also wonder, if they really know what they are delivering. Sometimes it is a sad world out there that they bring to my dad’s hands every morning.

And then there are some smells which you can never smell in any other part of the world, me thinks. It is the smell of morning dew. It immediately takes me back to my school days. I used to get up at sharp 5-45 AM to catch the 6-30 bus to school. Of course we did not have mobile phone alarms in those days. My dad would wake me up. And the way he used to do it, every other child in every other home in our community would be up! Because I am sure he must have been in military some lifetime and he has still retained his voice! But now my dad has gone quite. He does not have to wake up anyone. The voice is still there, but all the kids have now grown up. No one needs to catch the 6-30 bus anymore.

Soon enough the honking of milkman and auto rickshaws becomes louder. You know, honking is not a bad thing in India. It is just a means of making your presence felt in this vast ocean of humanity. And sometimes it works as an alarm too!

It is time for me to make a fresh brew of tea. Dad and I will have it – he will read the main newspaper and I will skim through the supplements. The world is normal again, if only for another 15 days!

CWG 2010 - Hum to aise hain Bhaiyya!

We Indians thrive on masala. Spice is in our DNA and drama Ekta Kapoor style is our staple diet. Nothing proves this cliché like the recently concluded XIX Common Wealth Games.

It really was a representation of quintessential Indian way of things. First we take up a grand ambitious project in hand – a sport event which, in all honesty, not many care about. The rampant corruption which is trademark of Indian bureaucratic politics and red tape becomes the star of the show with Mr. Kalmadi playing the part to a T. And since it is a sport event, we need to have an anthem, right? So we give the job to Mr. A. R Rahman, just the right person to do it,  one would imagine. And Rahman "sir" comes up with a sorry excuse for a CWG anthem with stale lyrics (India bula liya – what kind of Hindi is that!). Like we all know, no Indian drama is complete without divine intervention. This drama had the great Indian monsoon doing that bit, only this time instead of helping, it created further chaos. The Indian Army comes to the rescue for doing a thankless job. After all isn’t protecting Desh ki aan what the high defense budget for? The games start in grand style, thanks to trusted veterans Mr Shyam Benegal, Mr. Javed Akhtar and Mr. Prasoon Joshi. That is not a surprise at all because we, as a nation, are better artists than sportspersons. Delhi gets a makeover like an Indian bride inaccessible to the very people dear to her – the aam aadmi of the city. A Rs. 40 crore big helium balloon flies high for one day. Kind of stuff, fat Indian weddings are known for! We are the emotional, sentimental people. And DD commentary does not fail us dishing out crap like “Khiladiyon ko zindagi ki hassi mil gayi”! The closing ceremony was a collective sigh of relief with lame Bollywood performances and lamer “thank-God-the-games-are-over” kind of vote of thanks!

And in the middle of all this drama, the Indian athletes hit hard and run harder, without complaining and without cribbing. In an atmosphere where they get treated like this, they play for samman, pride, for there are no monetary rewards, hardly any fame, just a medal for which they sweat day in and day out. While the standard of competition in CWG is not something to swear by, Indian sport still tries to breathe for life, in spite of everything our nation of a billion does to bring it down.

Whether or not any good CWG 2010 has done for athletic sports in India remains to be seen. Indian athletics will face sterner competition in Asian Games this November where traditionally, we have not had many reasons to cheer. It would give a better assessment, or honest insight, of where we stand in face of genuine competition. But I sincerely hope there are more who take up sports as a career and not a means to a career in Railways and sport quota government jobs. And I hope we see more frequent display of determination, grit, encouragement and support like this in the coming times!

And against all odds I hope that the corrupt get punished! Maybe that is too much to ask for, for if that happens, would we still be what we are – all forgiving Indians?

Happy Birthday!!

Queen of subtle gestures, have a very happy birthday!! :-)

My new fascination I will be writing something about pretty soon..Till then, keep wondering!! :-)

Tum Chale Jaoge Tab Sochenge..

Tum chale jaoge to sochenge,

Humne kya khoya humne kya paaya,

Zindagi dhoop, tum ghana saaya..

(When you will be gone, I will think what I actually lost and what I gained in our relation, for life is so tough out there and you are like the gentle shade in harsh sun..)

These eternal lines are my exact thoughts as I look back at the last couple of years and the transition in the last couple of months. 

If you have been regular and attentive on this blog, you would know that it was exactly a couple of years back when I moved to US for work. While it was something I was looking forward to, the timing of it was particularly bad. I did not want to travel when I did. It was with a very heavy heart that I came to US. I lost a very special, loved one to cancer the day I was travelling and the worst part was that I could not release that pain with all the travel and relocation I had to do. It was only after a while I could feel the sharp pain and see the enormity of the loss. It was very tough. 

What was not tough, though, was life here in the US. It was not just about the comforts of being in a “first” world country (ahem, the last place to have sunrise and a first world country!), with first class comforts! Honestly, I did not have my comforts until 6 months of my arrival for that is when I got my car!! For those of you new to this place or planning to come, know that Car = comfort in US. So, no not just the comforts of a posh apartment with high speed internet and joys of online shopping! It was about the place I was in – Dallas. Dallas, the big D, the home of Mavericks and Cowboys where I met some amazing people and spent some wonderful times who made life so interesting. 

One of the first impressions I had of the city was “What the ****!” Now don’t get me wrong! It was not my fault really. You see, I thought I was travelling to the United States of America. I thought I was travelling to a very cold country inhabited by people of diverse ethnicities – Caucasians, Blacks, Europeans, and Mexicans etc. To my utter surprise all I could see were Indians – dark Indians, fair Indians, Bengali Indians, Maharashtra Indians, South Indian Indians, North Indian Indians, Indians in suits and sarees and Indians in kurtas and pajamas! And the first place Veethi and Vipul took me to in Dallas was the Hindu temple and Taj Chaat House and I must say the sambhar of TCH is quite authentic which I thought was not the case in  Indore or Pune. The other shocker was Dallas weather. I mean I knew I was travelling in the summers but I did not expect myself to be sweating! It was almost like going back to my summer vacations in Bhopal when all I used to do was sleep, eat and sweat! I was pretty much doing the same here.

With my worries of pani puri and bhel puri taken care of, I could really focus on the other important stuff in life and life itself! And that is where all these wonderful people I mentioned earlier come! First up, the three “V”s – Veethi, Vipul and Viraj! Veethi is my best friend’s cousin and I had met her a few times in Indore. But that was like 4 years back! The fact that she still could recall my name was enough for me to tell her that I was going to stay at her place until I found a rental roof of my own.  That she was one gracious host is really an understatement. She is easily one of the sweetest persons you will ever meet always with a smile on her face and a heart big enough to laugh at my jokes! And Vipul, her husband, could easily become the captain of Indian cricket team! Not because he has maverick batting skills, but because he is cooler than Mr. MSD. The patience with which he goes about his days is something for all the men out there to learn. I have seen Viraj, their adorable son, from his day 1 on planet earth! And it has been an absolute joy seeing him grow 4 teeth, a broken vocabulary, loads of hair and some really funny habits. That he knows me as his mausi (Hindi word for mom’s sister) and DOES NOT know Varsha at all (:P :P :P) is one of the most beautiful feeling and is one of my best achievements ever! 

And then of course the wonderful AOL group. My days in Dallas were made special because of this super enthusiastic group of sweethearts! Ram, Kala, Pravin, Shree, Aravind, Keerti, Achutan, Hardik, Venkat, Karishma, Trupti, Anshul, Gurmeet, Namrata, Tarun, Jwala ji, Ganga ji, Tarkesh, Sudeep, Laxmi, Greeshmi, Deepak, Kamal and everyone else, you all have given me some wonderful memories, some amazing moments (and of course, some wonderful farewell gifts, gee) to treasure. Your presence meant so much. You all have knowingly/unknowingly contributed so much to my growth that my brother who thought that my mental growth stopped after I turned 21 last year has now started believing in miracles. Words fall flat if I try to tell you and any attempt to do so results in the farewell speech disaster that most of you had to bear! But know that you all have a very special place in my heart.

This was all a build up to the actual update. The thing is, I have been relocated to Kansas City for work. People tell me that it is going to get really cold here with snow! I keep telling them that I am looking forward to it but in reality I am not. That's all I got to say, in short but that will not make a juicy long post, will it? 

And since I am not sure when I am going to blog next, a happy Eid to everyone! With the speed with which I am going this year, I hope to get another post before Diwali.

You all have fun, take care and post a comment here! :-)

Ananda Shankar - An inspiration!

Howdy people! It has been a while since I wrote something. I just was too surprised with what I wrote last and wanted to give myself sufficient time to get out of the serious writing stuff! I am still recovering and so I am not going to write much today.

But I did stumble across this video on Ted - the story of Ananda Shankar. Guys, you gotta watch this one.

Her story reminded me of the many examples (a little too many really) from my own life where people have been fighting this horrible disease. Cancer does not hurt just one body. It shatters the lives of every life associated and things are never the same again.

Cancer needs to be eradicated. Please help in whatever way you can to fight this disease. Here are some links you may find useful.

Cancer Research Foundation of India

Cancer Research Foundation of America

In my prayers always, all the wonderful people affected by Cancer..

An evening

It was a long day at work. My body felt a little tired and the heart felt a little sad. I don't know why I was physically exhausted or what was the reason of my sadness. I did not want to think either because my mind was already cluttered with thoughts of the past. I went for a walk - a quiet walk by the river side. Only when you come close to the river you realize that water of the river isn't stagnant. It doesn't get contaminated by itself over a period of time. It is the strong current which flows day in and day out, taking everything along with it, dissolving all signs of existence with it. There is a lone duck swimming in the river, against the current. On the outside it looks calm and collected, but it sure is pedaling like hell just so that it can move a little bit upstream. It sees its own reflection in the water and wonders who is looking through the silver mirror. I could have been that duck. I think I am that lone duck.

I do not know where I belong to. Am I supposed to swim in the river? Am I supposed to be on this bank or am I supposed to be on the other side of the river? Why does it look like it would be a better life on the other side. Clueless and curious as I am, I decide to walk through the bridge. I see a young man walking down the same bridge with a big bag in his hand. He is coming from the other side and I wonder what makes him cross the bridge. Once I reach the other end, I realize that I had no business here. I do not belong to this bank. And I make the journey back to where I came from. And for some reason I think that I could have been the young man with the big bag. I think I am the young man with the big bag. 

This time the road to nowhere looks so familiar. I walk through the gardens and cross the trees. There is a small lonely house that looks completely out of place. The hustle bustle of the small town seem to have somehow missed ruining the serenity of this house. There are bigger monuments around this humble dwelling and I wonder who could be living there. It was very easy to even ignore its presence. As I am about to move further, I see someone coming out of the door. He looks contended. I could have been that house which could even be a home. I think I am that house - a stranger's home. 

I move down further and see the downtown. I cannot place the spices but they smell too familiar. They take me back to a time where I did not have to worry about feeding myself. But then, I wanted to get away to earn my own meals. And now when the world thinks I am capable enough, I want to go back to the old times when I did not have to worry about anything. There always was a familiar face and a pair of hands which made sure that I never slept hungry. I could have been hungry today just like those old days. I think I am hungry, just like those good old days. 

And then I hear the sounds of music at a distance. The sounds are inviting and I cannot but try to find where they are coming from. I see a small group of musicians playing their own instruments. They do not seem to know what the next note is supposed to be but by some miracle they are in perfect symphony. I see the young man I saw at the bridge with a cello. He looks at me too and we share a smile - a smile of understanding. And as I sit and close my eyes, I wonder who am I. I could have been the notes from this symphony. I think I am the music from this symphony. 

I have been a loner all my life. I think I will always be one. My life has not been about how hard I could swim or the journeys I could make from one shore to another. My life also has not been about being self sufficient or being someone's love. I don't think I have been any of it or that I would ever be. I am the music, the one single piece of melody coming out of all the instruments there are. I am the music which could not play at any other rhythm nor the music that could ever stagnate. I am the music whose notes flow higher and higher and higher..Until they can no longer be heard. 

I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. She said it was about time. It was time to go home. 

I nodded in agreement. 

Programming songs..

Sahiban, meherban, kadradan (and all types of other daans..)! Aap sabko Anusha ka pyar bhara salaam!!

I am not one of those bloggers who like to post forwarded messages often. Though I agree it would be such a better world if I did not torture you guys with originals. But sometimes, you get something in your inbox which is such nonsense that you cannot but smile reading those. I got one today and I must admit it must be an old one. But I loved it so much (because it was such nonsense) that I could not resist posting it. It was forwarded by a dear friend - Vishal Bahirwani. Those of you who are not privileged enough to know this mahaan hasti must skim through the comments in my blog. You would find an anonymous dude who writes 'kya' as 'kia' ,  calls me 'velli' and that my friends, is Vishal (honestly, I can write a whole post on him. But that's for some other time!).

All you programmers out there, I am sure you would love this stuff. This is a small tribute to all the hard work you guys pretend to do in front of your managers! :-)

1.Two Recursive functions calling each other

Mujhe kuchh kehna hein

mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein

pehle tum, pehle tum

2. The debugger

Jab koi baat bigad jaye

Jab koi mushkil pad jaye

Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz

3. COM programming in VC++

Roop tera mastana

Pyar mera deewana

Bhool kahin hum se na ho jaye

4. From VC++ to VB

Yeh haseen vaadiyan

Yeh khula asmaan

Aa gaye hum kahan

5. Untrackable bug --

aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi,

awaaz de kahin se

6. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client) --

Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua

7. And then to the client --

Jab hua, Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho

8. Load Balancing

Saathi haath badhana

ek akela thak jayega

mil kar bojh uthana

9. Modem - talk on a busy connection

suno - kaho,

kaha - suna,

kuch huwa kya?

Abhee to nahin...

kuch bi nahin

10. Windows getting open sourced

Parde mein rahne do

parda na uthao

parda jo uth gaya to bhed khul jayeha

allah meri tauba, allah meri tauba

11. Local variable

Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon,

pal do pal meri kahani hai,

pal do pal meri hastihai...

12. Global variable

Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon

har ik pal meri kahani hai

har ik pal meri hasti hai ...

13. Null pointers

Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.

14. Dangling pointers

Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.

15. GOTO

Ajeeb dastan hai yeh

Kahan shuru kahan khatam

Ye manzilen hain kaun si

Na woh samajh sake na hum

Hi hi hi.. loved it! loved it! :-)

Three cheers for Vishu!! :-)

Shhhhhhh...

Hey Hi People! Wassup! :-)

It has been a while since my last post now, isn’t it? But I have intentionally taken time with this post because, because, well, because, I needed this much time to come up with “words” for something I experienced in “silence”. :-)

I did the Art of Silence (the advance course or the part 2 as it was previously called) at the AOL Texas ashram in March with one of the senior AOL teachers – Tanuja Limaye (lovingly called Tanu ma). The Uvalde, TX retreat center is a calm serene ranch where you don’t get phone network (wonderful relief for the ears) and no internet connection (wonderful relief for the world!). Couple that with Neelam Aunty’s food and you have the perfect place for the Art of Silence course.  And what can I say about Tanuja didi! She is one of the best teachers I have had the good opportunity to be with. Her strong, affectionate presence is something you have to experience firsthand to understand. Really.

And for almost a month now, I have been trying out to pen down my experiences into words. I could write about the emotional tug of war I was going through just a few days before this course. I could write about the so many “important” things I had in mind to dwell upon during the 5 days. I also could write about how these things were replaced by a single emotion – anger about a conversation I had with a friend, so deep that it captured my whole being. I could write about how I was able to get rid of the small mind gymnastics and how the deep silence penetrated deep within me and even after a month I feel so great about life (yay!!). I could write about the wonderful, wonderful people I met during the course. I could even write about how, coincidently, I met Random Reflections who I call RR, a fellow blogger who I have been following for about a year and how I made his anonymous life miserable by totally popularizing him and his blog during the course. I could even write about how much love and affection you can get from complete strangers who are ready to accept you, I mean really accept you for what you are for they are in that deep state of being where it happens naturally. I could write about how wonderful it is to be in a far off place, away from the world, enjoying a nice meal and singing and dancing in complete masti!

Yes, I could write about all these things. But words can never convey something which only can be experienced. Words can definitely never express the power of silence. That would be silly right? :-P

But I think this one pic says it all for me.

And I am going to cherish this for a very long time to come. :-)

Until the next time, as RR said, “Jai Jai Radha Raman Hari Bol…” !!

The Spin Off..

Howdy people!

My mood swings amaze me like nothing else..I mean only 10 days back wasn't I writing about this blog dying and writing novels and grim stuff like that? And here I am, not only writing on this blog but about to throw a 1000 words on you..

I have another spin off from this blog. A picture is worth a thousand words they say. My few thousand words fell flat when I saw Shrijeet's (aka Red Frog on this blog and elsewhere) photos. And I bought a DSLR. His photos literally inspired me to take up this new hobby. 

So and since I am such a showoff, I was not satisfied publishing my photos on facebook. I received so generous comments on some of my pics and that made me think (?)..Gee, let's just start a new blog..So I have a new blog with some clicks I have been taking with my new camera..Here is the link

http://thephotogenicworld.blogspot.com/

I can be very dangerous with my talents. I become especially dangerous when I try something for which I have absolutely no aptitude. Creativity has never been my forte and my arts and crafts teachers always had difficulty help me pass their subjects. Teachers usually love to bring the heat on students. In my case, they just wanted to see me go. Yeah, I was that bad..

So really, you don't have to go and see this..And you absolutely don't have to comment there..But you better start thinking what you are going to do if that dirty little secret of yours comes out in public if you don't! 

Buzzing to silence..

Don't you think I have been exceptionally quiet this year?

Writing a blog post is never easy. It takes a lot to write anything. The first and foremost thing is to decide on the topic. You need to have an interesting life to write a personal blog like I do. I mean you need to rely so much on life's tragedies like getting infected by some animal disease like chicken pox or mad cow disease or something like that and then blog about the agonies. You have to rely so much on your friends to do something really stupid like locking the bathroom door from the inside so that you are bathroomless for 3 days. You need to rely on your manager to give you some work to do. More than that you need to rely on yourself to make sure that you screw it up, royally! The only times you do not have to worry about thinking for a topic would be on Diwali, Christmas (yippeee!!) or 14th February (sigh) when you would know what to write and what NOT to.

You see, there was a time when I would sit for hours to come up with a post. It would take every ounce of energy, sanity and loads of crap to write something. I was fresh out of college when I started this blog. So anything that would be written on computer would first be scribbled in a notepad. I then, would play with words and hope someone would understand them. I would look up the dictionary a few times and when I would still not find the right word, I would replace it with words like dhansoo and dhaain and hope to sound uber-cool..Then I would throw heaps and loads of sarcasm in. No wonder people look at me strangely. Believe it or not, I used to even do a proof check in my initial days. Finally, it would take a complete disregard for the English language, grammar and shameless guts to publish it. And then I would read the published post a few times over and take ultra pride in the finished product. And then there would be 4 comments and 4 replies until I come up with a new post..

Sigh!

I know I have taken blogging very casually. Seriously, why would I take it seriously? But even with all that casual attitude, I now find it very difficult to write. Not that I feel any pity for the 4 readers who read and comment here. They do not have much choice and I am a sadist. So no, it is not that. The problem is technology and new products that launch everyday which allow you to keep connected to people and let them know what you are upto. There was a time when having a status message on gtalk, YM(what's that?) was a status symbol. I would come up with a new status daily and dish out life's wisdom in there. That used to be a trap to have junta ping you. It used to be a lure to have people come over my blogs. Then came status message on Facebook. I mean a few messages a day was normal. Almost like tweeting. Then came all those stupid apps on FB like Social Interview and Friends Exposed which demand you give a funny answer to questions like meri bains ko anda kyun maara!

And the latest one, Google Buzz, silenced the world. Literally! Day 1 after the launch was full of only one message everywhere - "I am buzzing yay!" Day 2 and Day 3 saw replies to these messages "Me too Yay!". As if there was not enough tautology in our lives already. And then suddenly the world went quiet. People did not know where to post what. And I, probably for the first time in my life, was speechless. Buzz confused like nothing else I have ever seen and I now have fried peanut for my brain. I don't think anything would ever come out of it now..

With all these different places to "update" your life on, I fear that no one would care about the traditional blogging anymore. Though I wonder why I should be afraid. Who cares about this blog anyway! But then I am confused, right?

I am afraid this blog would die a slow, painful death..It would be fitting, some might argue. The 4 readers will finally be spared and all would be well with them. As far as I am concerned, I have lost hope. Yes, even with my new template. Gradually, this will be left unseen and unattended, a haven for spammers!

Wait a minute..Some kind people, God bless their heart, suggested I should write a novel. I think I would avenge my blog's death with a novel..Gee, any takers? :P

Mile Sur..

How do you inspire a nation? How do you instill the sense of pride yet humility in a billion hearts?

We do it with art and music and dance. In our country, there is music in every state, city, street, even every house (one should hear my mom waking me up!) and that becomes the obvious medium..

Back in the 80s, when I was growing up, I was too young to understand anything about the political climate of the nation but from the 9 pm news I remembered it was turmoil. We had a Prime Minister murdered, community hate crimes, formation of many regional political parties. The late 80s was probably one of the most volatile times the nation has seen.

At this time, the Lok Seva Sanchar Parishad inspired a nation’s spirit with Mile Sur Mera Tumhara – written by an accountant and composed by a Marathi Music Director. They created a musical master piece – one message conveyed in 14 languages, rendered by the musical greats of the nation. It started with the power packed voice of Pandit Bhimsen Joshi ji. Then there was Shri Balamurlikrishna ji who sang his piece with the sweetest smile along a beach. I distinctly remember a short wave rising and ending with his notes – perfect timing! And of course there was Lata ji with her pallu in tri-color and an unmatched voice. I learned all the 14 languages by heart even if there was only one line I could really say. I loved the painting that a lonely painter paints on the beach of Goa. There were singers, sportsperson, dancers, painters, actors but most importantly, the general population.

As a child, it had a very deep impact on me. This was my first brush with the diversity of my land. Not a single run of this on TV would be missed. Mom would come out of kitchen to hear it completely and that etched the importance of this work – not just a rare musical feat but a very important one.

Yes, it indeed inspired the nation. It inspired me.

I was waiting to see how the new version looked like. Forget about inspiring, it hardly had any impact on me. It dragged and dragged and dragged – 3 times the length of the original track, yet no where close to what the original did. I liked a few bits of it, the instruments, Bhupendra Hazarika ji and Sonu Nigam doing his bit. But can someone tell me what all those Bollywood stars were doing there? I mean it was not a Filmfare function where every one had to come on stage! We needed youth icons and representatives - not the entire industry! Can some one tell me what was Salman Khan doing in this video? Isn’t he criminally charged with, like, killing a few people and the endangered Chinkara? While, I must admit that his was one of the best shots piece but did the makers not have enough sense to have him put on a shirt while he was around kids? And for heaven’s sake, don’t gesture bite on TV!! Can someone tell Mr. Shahrukh Khan that it is a patriotic album and not one of those stupid romantic movies where he cries, pouts and expects a heroine to run into his outstretched arms? Can someone tell me what was that stupid piece to which Aamir Khan tried his best to bring life to? Lata Mangeshkar ji has been inspiring nation right from the days of Aye Mere Vatan ke logon. I believe she still does that..Did she not deserve a spot here? Haven't the industrialists and entrepreneurs inspired the nation more than the KJos of Indian film industry to find a place in this? And does one really think that Cricket and Hockey will find no representation when showing India and its unity in diversity? Crazy!!

No guys, it is the quality which matters not the quantity. Phir Mile Sur is the display of Indian cinema glamor stars, unlike the original. And that's pretty much about it..

Here's the original one..

P.S : Changing the embeded player to the Youtube URL..It is making my blog load real slow.. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gstRrEmTcBc

Long live Indian Republic!

Good Bye 2009!

I am back to US, people, after a 15 day trip to India. I came, I ate and I went back. These were the general sentiments of my family after my trip back home. While almost everyone was unhappy about the very short trip I made, the chat walas, the mithai walas and the namkeen walas of Bhopal were the unhappiest of the lot the day I was leaving. Nobody cried just like 1.5 years back when I was coming for US except my mom of course. This trip was marked by completely illogical conversations, for example statements like “Anusha you need to lose weight” and “Anusha ek roti aur, thoda chawal aur” uttered in a single meal by the same person (yeah you guessed it right) and heavy doses of what ma ka dil goes through (ma ke dil pe kya beetati hai yeh tum abhi nahi samjhogi etc.). Dad maintained his stoic poise and Sandeep felt I did not get enough things for him given the numerous times he has bailed me out!

I wanted to meet a lot of people, but the ones I met made me realize what a wonderful family I really have. Specially my brothers – Sandeep, Raja Bhaiyya and Prateek – the three pillars I have (I wanted to call them Gandhi ji ke teen, you-know-what, but I thought that would be rude) touched my heart in ways I had least expected. Brothers care in a very very special way and I say this because these three showed it this time numerous times. Bhaiyya log, aap logon ne Rakhi* ki laaj rakh li.

Also, with Jan 1 round the corner, I think it is time to retrospect again. This has been an amazing year. As far as I can remember, this has been the greatest year I ever lived. It was marked by amazing experiences at every level. I did things I never thought I would or I could do. In fact, about a lot of things, I amazed myself. I had some of the most meaningful conversations with my best friends. I had some of the most relaxing times with a friend I never thought I would be able to ever spend time with. I had some stunning celebrations this year during Guru Purnima and Diwali. I lost a few things too. Some losses were more devastating than others. Some of them permanently damaged my personality. Some can call that a change that happens to everyone every few years, though I wonder how different change is from deformation. But I would just let them go and not brood over it on this blog too. I have my spare time and Varsha around to think about it! You get the drift, right? But 2009 has been magnificent in every sense of the word. I would love to have a few more years like this one minus the losses of course!

So people, this is going to be the last post this year. And I will take a moment to specially thank you for all the comments you posted this year. Trust me, comments mean a lot to me. All those who have been bribed or blackmailed to read and comment here, I want to tell you that you guys have been doing a great job! Varsha, Amit ji, Shrijeet you guys are great! Even after being bribed and blackmailed so much, you still come, read and comment! Hats off!! And then readers like Megha , RR and Sachin– the only thing I can say and which may make any sense would be thank you for being so kind to me with your regular presence here. Thank you so much! Any silent readers? I would say don't bear it in silence, speak up! All others, like the anonymous dudes who are identified so easily by their usage of certain words (kia, velli etc), well it would help if you guys are more regular in commenting, but umm, err, okay, never mind! I won't be too mean. :-P

So let me wish you all a very happy and prosperous 2010! Let’s have wonderful memories to retrospect in December 2010! :-)

* Rakhi is a holy thread tied by sisters on the wrist of their brothers on the full moon of Shravan. (In times like these when Rakhi can come with a last name like Sawant, I thought I should clarify!)

The month that is..

I have always been residing in the Northern Hemisphere. So it is winter time in this half of the world and my favorite season ever. My dil goes umm umm umm...

For me, the 10 days of winter break were always more precious than the 2 months scorching summer vacations. Incidentally, ice cream which is trademark summer dessert tastes best in winters. One big reason for winters being such a special time was that my mom and dad would take their year end vacations in December last week and it would always such nice family time. The vacations would start with nice Christmas celebrations in school and no exams in January. It also is birthday month for the two best and most special people I know – Ila and Sandeep.

Bhopal can get quite cold. At least it would when I was in school with bright sunshine everywhere. One of the best things about winters is food. All those hot preparations – from sambhar to aloo paratha to methi paratha and what not. Couple that with unlimited doses of tea and it is feast time. After having that garma garam khana and idling for a couple of hours in sun outside, I would tuck myself in the razai and get a couple of hours of sleep. Oh my God! Can there ever be a better relaxation!!

December would be exam time in college. But given the fact I never studied, I could carry on the eat-food-idle-in-the-sun-and-tuck-in-the-bed routine quite well in Indore too. Even though there would be no mom-made food, but heck I was in Indore! A hot plate of garadu or steaming Calcutta roll or the awesome moong daal halwa at Sarafa, followed by a cup of coffee at Buddy’s café was the perfect recipe for perfect winter time with the perfect people in the world.

And then I was in Pune. It never gets that cold in Pune as it would in Bhopal or Indore. But still it is very very special time. A plate of sizzlers at Yana’s followed by chat at Kailash bhaiyya’s thela or paratha at Chaitanya and a cup of coffee at the Wanowrie or MG Road CCD. Or if you are tired eating outside, you could actually go to Shrijeet’s place and aunty would make some real nice sooji ka halwa. You would just eat your way to glory and tuck your self in and have fun.

But food was not the only thing that made winters in Pune special. This is the time for Sawai Gandharva mahotsava. I remember this one time I could not get tickets and I heard the program standing outside. This would be the time when there would be a lot of concerts in Pune. You could go to a Jagjit Singh show or Pt. Shiv Kumar Sharma ji’s concert or the one and only Zakir Hussain saab. It was a privilege being in Pune and I cannot tell how much I miss that.

Winters in Dallas are not bad either! For one it is much colder here. Nothing compared to the rest of America. But it is cold for Indians from Bhopal, Indore and Pune. One of the best things I like is the warm jackets and coats that I can wear here. The fact that it also helps hiding all the fat you get after eating all that food is purely incidental.

I am visiting India this winter. It is going to be a very short trip, but still I am looking forward to it. Nice mom made food, some birthday celebrations, meeting all those wonderful people back there would be so nice..

The small snow flakes you see here are a small dedication to the month of December!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

Random blabbing

Mera Birthday hai, Travel again, packing still not done. Eat food. Should I buy DSLR? American football is awesome! Still Cricket is the only sport I am ever going to follow. Mera birthday hai. Cooked food and yet not in jail for homicide! I think I should buy DSLR. Cakes. My biggest achievement this year – I cut 3 cakes. I love Dhoni. Work. Maybe I should not buy DSLR. When will I go back to India? Iowa is beautiful. Sometimes I think I should settle down in mid-west. Missing Varsha. Priyanka di, Nidhi, Nupoor, Deepshikha, me – all born between 25th October and 30th October – Gods must be crazy! Or maybe I should just buy DSLR. Work. Deployment on the night of birthday. Worked on the day of birthday (supposed to take the day off). Sapan and his awesome playlist. Orkut testimonials! Thanks Vishu! Facebook. Sach Is life! Art of Living. Eat food. Forget DSLR! India calling. Missing family. TV – Picture tube died. Aaoge jab tum O Sajna. Cook food. DSLRs are expensive. No surprises this birthday! Contended. Got a smart shirt for birthday. I look ekdum dhaain sporting it! Still sleeping on the couch. Rearranging furniture. Facebook. Mindjolt games. Solitaire. Day light Saving. Deployment. Work. DSLR is worth every penny. Cricket. Missing Sandeep. Reading novel. Work. Photographs. Painting. Looking forward to winters. Social Interview on Facebook. Ordered DSLR!

I wanted to write about all these things. All these thoughts came to my mind almost at the same time. Imagine living being me. Okay don’t, I am not that cruel. So this is all we have for a post this post, people, because I am feeling lazy.

I know you can deal with it!

Diwali time

Howdy people! It has been a while since I wrote something. Good new is my nightmares have gone and I am back to dreamless nights. Not sure what changed but I am not complaining.J

This is a little late, but I hope you all had a bombastic Diwali. Diwali is such a special time. I mean, even being in this far off land where nothing is as it would be at Ma-Papa’s place, this time of the year brings out the grandiosity of existence. It is the most spectacular time of the year for me. It is not just about the sweets and the nice food and all the hard work for prepping the house. Just the whole extravaganza that goes with it makes it the larger than life occasion that it is.

Meri life sahi hai yaar. This year was a very special Diwali. Infact, it was one of the best ever! I have this great friend who has been my friend since 6^th grade. And after all these years I came to know what a wonderful cook she is. She invited about 25 people for lunch and the menu was nothing less than a restaurant menu. From shahi paneer to palak paneer to dal makhni, the main course was fingerlickicious. Infact, I noticed that I don’t have any fingers left in my right hand now! I licked and licked ‘em all! And the desserts were even more special – gulab jamun, kheer, aate ka halwa. All home made! And you should have seen the patience with which she went about cooking. I have had the luck of knowing some real amazing cooks. Ila just made that list longer! My friends are such an inspiration.

Click here to view Diwali photos

And as usual I didn’t want to come back. The week after that was hectic, yet, I went down the memory lane – not just this Diwali but all those I remembered from the past. Some were good, some were ok and some were nasty. But, Diwali was something when ma-papa slogged like anything. I think it is time for my generation to take over. No one could have done it better than you Ila! You just rock!J

I am back to living life. You all, take care people.

I have a dream

You know what is the most difficult task I had as a kid? Ma-papa ka naam roshan karna. It is not an easy task, especially when you hail from a middle class family in India. And ma-papa na naam roshan karna by default means to do well in studies. Think like Einstien, work like an IT engineer and get ranks like Puloma and Ila etc, no pressure otherwise! We all have to go through it. When it was my turn, I was more like a tubelight with black ends and with a major starter problem. I barely managed to make their names barely visible, forget doing the roshan thing.

Mom-dad never complained. They had accepted their fate and were pretty OK with it. My teachers never knew my name except when the question was who did the last prank on poor XYZ or who stole that stupid test tube from the Chemistry lab. Padhai maine ki nahi kabhi, I always had something better to do. Sleeping, eating, recording music tapes and just about general time passing were always way more important. The most important thing in this whole situation is that, never for a day I had any guilt of not studying. I used to see the helpless expressions on my parents face whenever any exam result would come and I would have just a prayer for them.

But I guess things do catch up. Lately, I have been getting this recurrent dream where I am failing an examination. More specifically, it is a Hindi exam which somehow is very critical. A point to be noted here is that I studied Hindi only till 8^th standard and it had no bearing on my career except the fact that I did worse in the subject I chose instead. When I dream that dream, I know that if I do not clear it, something real bad would happen, I just don’t seem to remember what. I would remember that I am way past 8^th standard and I should not really be writing that exam, but I still have to take it. It is getting more vivid and I have even started sweating now, in the dream of course! And then I get up suddenly and then remind myself where I am and what I actually do in the weekdays and that this Hindi exam really is not for real and that I have actually completed my academic education and I don’t have to go back to school. And then I check the time and it always is quarter to 5. Spooky, I say!

Later in the day I find the whole thing very funny. Out of sheer curiosity, I did some research on what this dream might actually mean. Some suggest that I might be having a very low self esteem. LOL, not at all! I don’t have esteem; I have absolute pride in what I am! With all humility and modesty, I know I am the best – super duper bumper best. People around me agree that I am the best in what I do. And you know what I do. Others suggest that I might have a lot of pending work at work which is causing me all worked up in my dreams. But this is nothing new. I always have pending work. I mean that is how I work – aaj kare so kaal kar, kaal kare so parso, itni jaldi kya hai bhaiya jab jeena hai barso. This is my work motto. Nothing has changed at my work place or my relations. I am lagging behind everything – business as usual. Some also suggested that I might be having very high expectations from myself. Really? The biggest expectation I have from myself is to get up at 8:30 AM. Is that too much? Am I being too harsh on myself? :P

So I am curious to know what might be causing this dream. If you know me, any pointers to my situation are welcome. If you don’t know me, then too you can comment on my situation because, you know, I love comments!